i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
