Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
