sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
