she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize