I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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