hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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