Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
