i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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