I want to stick my p in your. b.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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