After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Blood and glitter go together right?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
