You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
