The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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