woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
