Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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