it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
