im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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