mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
