I think I died a long time ago.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
