i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
