if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
