you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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