The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
