I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
