I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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