My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
