drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
