i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's always time for handjobs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
