my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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