so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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