just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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