I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
