We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
