She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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