hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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