My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
