I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
