I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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