I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
