just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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