i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
