If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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