After last night, I could never be a politician.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
