yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
