guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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