people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
