My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
