i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
