god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
please come you make the beer taste better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
