Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
