i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
