C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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