Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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