There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
