there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think people are normalizing furries
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
