dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
