from now on my penis is your penis
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
