Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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