don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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