I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
