This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize