I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
