I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
